At some point in time most people will experience intense feelings of jealousy. It’s a difficult emotion but it’s normal. Have you ever seen or experienced someone lashing out in a jealous rage, spreading vicious rumors, attempting to hurt someone emotionally or physically, or using jealousy to manipulate someone? Using jealousy to control or manipulate someone else or trying to make someone feel jealous are wrong. Both are signs that a relationship is off to an unhealthy start. The key to having healthy relationships involves learning to handle jealousy, and all our other feelings, appropriately. An important first step is being able to recognize and name your feelings followed by finding ways to tame them without hurting yourself or someone else. Usually a trusted adult or friend can help us see our feelings more clearly and think of ways to work through them. Remember, you’re not alone when it comes to jealousy.
You may also try the following:
- Talk to the other person about your feelings of jealousy. Maybe there is another issue that is leading to irrational feelings like not spending enough quality time together or a past relationship. Figure out what the real problem is.
- Get another point of view. Sometimes it’s hard to listen to a friend or adult tell you what they think the problem is, but it’s good to get an outsider’s opinion. They’ve probably been there before and can offer some helpful suggestions for getting over jealousy. You just have to be open to what they’re saying.
- Remember that you can’t change anybody. They have to do it themselves. If it's the other person with the jealousy issues and you’ve been honest and tried to solve things, but they just can’t get over being jealous all the time, it may be time to move on.
- Learn to trust. You may be the one who’s jealous all the time while the other person has tried to resolve things and is being completely honest with you. At some point you need to learn to let go of those feelings. Trust and honesty are HUGE parts of a good relationship. Only you can change the way you feel.
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